


Carry Me (Harry/Hermione fanfiction)

by LifesRichPageant



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Carrying, Divorce, F/M, Fanfiction, Love, Marriage, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4492212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LifesRichPageant/pseuds/LifesRichPageant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in a slightly AU where Harry ended up marrying Hermione instead of Ron. Harry has been married to Hermione for many years now and they have a young daughter, Charlotte but life is wearing him down. Marriage wasn't what he expected it to be But when he asks for a divorce, Hermione has a most unusual request.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Terms and Conditions

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi everyone. This is my little love story with Harry and Hermione. Hope you like it. Please read and leave a review to tell me what you think. It's based on a slightly alternate universe where Harry ends marrying Hermione. (what JK Rowling really wanted!) However there marriage has taken a turn for the worse and that's where we pick up this story. This is based on a famous story. Just slightly remixed. Enjoy! xx

CARRY ME

By LifesRichPageant

I finished the first draft. I stared at the computer screen blankly, unable to fathom what I had actually written. I read it over once more, this time aloud.

Dear Hermione Potter

I am writing to you today with deep sorry and regret as I wish to terminate our marriage of ten years. It was a long and difficult decision and not one I've taken lightly. You can have half of the estate was well as half of all the money from our Quidditch business that we set up together. Please consider my offer.

Yours Sincerely

Harry Potter

Finshing that last line almost gave me goosebumps. I never actually thought it would end, especially like this. Times were different time, much harder than before. We had a little girl, Charlotte, only six years old. She had just started school and needed some stability. She needed parents who loved each other. But I can't remember that last time Hermione and I even held hands.

I printed off a copy and took it downstairs where I saw Hermione sitting alone in the living room drinking a cup of warm cocoa in her. I walked past the living room. I wondered if I had enough courage to actually go in. This wasn't the first time I had thought about divorce but it was the first time I was actually going through with it. There were times when the silence between us was so oppressive I thought I was going to suffocate. And those times sitting alone by myself on the sofa, the half-dimmed lamp my only source of light while Hermione and Charlotte were out visiting her grandparents. I would sit and think about everything that had gone wrong. Sometimes I would drink too, and curse. Hermione hated that most of all.

When I entered the room, she turned her head but avoided eye contact with me. That's the way it had been for so long now - far too long. My hand was shaking as I handed the piece of paper to her. She snatched it and read it with a scowl. It didn't take long for her frown to deepen and when she got to the end she tore it up into tiny little pieces.  
My heart sank.

What did she want?

If it wasn't all the money we had made, then I couldn't understand. She knew as much as I did that the marriage simply couldn't last. Even for Charlotte. We knew she deserved better. What could she possibly want?

I asked Hermione what was the matter but she didn't reply. She folded her arms and leaned back on the sofa in a huff. This was the way she always was. She never used to be so stubborn.

My mind tried to wander back to the time at Hogwarts, to the time we first met as young children growing up in a world of magic and mystery. United together through a common goal and then we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. But I looked up at the grand fireplace and I could see that our wedding picture had been slammed down.

I had a splitting headache.

I had to get out of there so I left the house and went to work just as usual.

I thought about Charlotte a lot that day. I thought about that time six years ago when she was born. We were both so happy. It was the best day of my life. She was born in during the whirlwind period of my romance with Hermione. Back then I was on top of the world. I can't say exactly how things got how they did but we found ourselves getting more and more frustrated with the ideals of married life. It wasn't how either of us imagined. And there was that one time. I try to block it out.

During one of our shouting matches, she was pointing her finger right in my face, I couldn't take it any more. I lost my temper, I pushed her, not hard, I didn't think it was anyway. I just wanted to back her away from me. She fell and hit the ground hard. She cried. There were small purple bruises on her hip and thigh. It was a complete accident if memory served me correctly. She remembered she grabbed me and I saw trying to shake her off, maybe a little too forcefully. Maybe I lost my temper. Still she never asked for a divorce but she never forgave me either. That was two years ago now.

I left the house immediately after I watched Hermione rip up my divorce statement and drove down to London where we had a large shop selling all kinds of magical and Quidditch goods. This was my respite. Time away from Hermione allowed my soul to cleanse. At home I felt like I was trapped in a cocoon unable to breath, unable to think. Here the people were warm and friendly.

Ginny was here too. We had met back in Hogwarts too. That was fifteen years ago now. Hermione and I had got married soon after graduation - that was eight years ago in itself. It felt like a lifetime. Ginny smiled and greeted me with a hug. We got on so well. Sometimes I wish I had chosen her instead of Hermione. The rest of the day was long and busy. I didn't have time to think about anything.

Going home in the darkness, I felt the pain rise up again in the pit of my stomach. The feeling of guilt? I wasn't sure. I just wished Hermione would understand my true feelings because I certainly didn't understand anything about her. She had become an enigma, too wrapped up in her own personal matters to care about me. Maybe I was too, I didn't know. When I arrived back home late, Hermione was still in the living room. She was sitting at the table in the dark using only a small lamp. She was scribbling something down furiously. Her eyes seemed intense and focused. She didn't seem to notice me or perhaps she was just ignoring me again.

I didn't think anything of it and with Charlotte already fast asleep I decided to head up stairs to the bedroom. We both still slept together in the same bed, the large queen size bed I had bought before our wedding day. The same bed I had covered with rose petals and picked her up, carried her over and laid her down gently that night of our wedding. But now we slept a good distant apart never, facing opposite directions, never touching.

I tried to block out all these negative thoughts and emotions and get some sleep. The next day I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were weary with heavy, dark circles underneath. I had let myself grow a beard, now long and unkempt covering up my once boyish face. The scar was still there but things had changed. I noticed there were a few grey strands in my hair. I was getting old and my marriage had taken its toll.

I got dressed in my suit and tie and went downstairs. To my surprise, Hermione was still there writing. It looked like she hadn't slept a wink. I didn't ask what she was writing. I was too scared.

I poured myself some coffee and sat down at the same table as her but facing away. Then Charlotte came bursting into the room, with a smile gleaming on her face. She ran up and put her arms around my neck. I picked her up and put her on my lap.

She was so beautiful. The love of my life. Long flowing blonde hair and bright blue eyes. There was so much expression and vitality in her eyes, she was magic, she didn't need spells or anything like that. She was perfect. She looked just like her mother.

"Ready for school, hun?" "Yep! Today we're doing a big project. But one day I hope to go to magic school and become a wizard just like you and mummy."

I smiled and looked back at Hermione. She smiled too but I knew she wasn't smiling at me. We tried to make it as easy as possible for Charlotte with all our problems. We had no idea how she would take a divorce.

"You're already magic, hun."

"But Daddy, I wanna learn spells and fight."

"We don't do any fighting anymore. Have a great day at school today!"

"Thanks, Daddy."

She hugged me once more and kissed me on the cheek. I blushed. She then got down from my lap and kissed Hermione. Charlotte skipped happily out of the house with her satchel on her shoulders After Charlotte left the house and closed the door behind her, Hermione finally put her pen down on the table. She held the paper up and read it with a stern, serious expression. I was intrigued now. I tried to catch a glance but she kept it hidden.

"What is it?" I asked.

There was a long deafening silence between us.

Then finally she replied.

"These are my divorce conditions."

"You were writing that all night?"

"I was thinking."

"And they're different from mine? How much do you want? You're not going to toss me into the gutter, are you?"

She handed me the piece of paper and told me to read it. It read:

Dear Harry Potter

I'm writing to you to express my desire to terminate our marriage. But under certain conditions. Just one condition, in fact. And that is for next thirty days commencing tomorrow (September 19th), you will carry me in your arms from the bedroom to the front door every morning. You will also carry me home any time we go out together with Charlotte. After this, I will agree to a divorce with no other conditions. Thank you for your understanding.

Yours sincerely,

Hermione Potter

I sniggered a little. She couldn't be serious. Was this a joke? I questioned her about it several times but her answer was always the same. "I will only divorce if you carry me in your arms for the next 30 days." I didn't have time to have a large debate about all this. I took the paper, folded it and put it in my top pocket. Still with a sense of bemusement I grabbed my briefcase and walked out the front door.

In the car, I put on loud heavy metal music. I didn't like it but it was enough to drown out my thoughts. Thinking too much was making me grey and old.

At work, Ginny greeted me again with a smile and a hug. But it wasn't quite enough to plug the hole left in my heart.

"Hi, Harry, how's it going?" she asked.

"You know, same as usual."

"You're really going to divorce Hermione then? That's such a shame."

"Yes, it's really going to happen now. But she didn't accept my terms and conditions."

"What do you mean?"

"She made her own terms and conditions." I said taking taking the piece of paper from my top pocket and handing it to Ginny. Ginny read it, a grin growing wider and wider with each line and by the end she was laughing.

"Is this a joke?" she asked. The same question I had asked Hermione. I gave her answer.

"No." I replied.

"This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I mean it's just absurd."

"I know." I said, taking the paper back from her and reading it one more time. There was a moment of silence, a moment of hesitation. Ginny then approached me and put her hand on my shoulder in a comforting sisterly kind of way. Ginny was always so good at making me feel better when I felt depressed about Hermione.

She looked at me square in the eyes. She was worried about me. She used her other hand to stroke my cheek. I thought she was going to kiss me for a moment. She leaned into me and said softly:

"So, you're really going to do it?"

Was I really going to do it?

What choice did I have?

A tear started to swell up and I looked away from Ginny to try and hide my pain.

Was I really going to do it?


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The evening at home was the same as always. Silence. The loud clank of the fork hitting the plate. We could hear each other chewing and swallowing. Without Charlotte there, there was never any words exchanged, just sometimes a brief glance, usually with distain and then back to our meal - our disgusting, tasteless meal. This girl who I married - I didn't know her anymore.

After the dinner, we passed in the hallway. We brushed past each other the same way you might do to strangers on the subway. We felt like strangers more and more every day.  
I went up to Charlotte's room that night. She was sound asleep. No doubt dreaming the most wonderful dreams. She was nicely tucked into her pink duvet surrounded by teddy bears. I went in and kissed her lightly on the cheek. I whispered good night and then tip-toed out hoping not to wake her.

Was I really going to do it?

I had to do it for Charlotte. She didn't deserve to grow up in a house where her parents hated each other - as cold as ice. But as I went to bed that night, I knew I had some serious thinking to do.

Hermione was already asleep too but I was completely restless, thinking too much. I tossed and turned on the bed for hours and eventually gave up and went back downstairs to sleep on the sofa.

Morning came. The sun rose up from behind the curtains and I squinted, the bright light hurting my eyes. I rubbed them and yawned. I got up and pulled the curtains open. It was another beautiful autumn morning. The birds were chirping a wonderful tune. A perfect day, almost. Then the thought hit me like a ton of bricks crashing down on me. Today was the day. Our deal, our arrangement - it started today.

I washed my face and looked in the kitchen. Hermione still wasn't there yet. I thought that was strange because she usually got there before me. I looked upstairs and saw Hermione standing there, wearing a short denim skirt, tennis shoes and tight tank top. She was just standing there with her arms folded as if she was waiting for me. I grabbed my wand from the side cabinet. A lot of dust had formed over the top - it had been a while.

I walked up slowly like a scolded, sulking child. The tension between us was killing me. At the head of the stairs I watched Hermione's stern expression. I watched carefully to see if it would change. She seemed to have this permanent scowl etched into her face. I was never any good at conveying how I felt and the result was more silence, more icy cold tension.

"You sure took your time." she said.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know today is the first day of our arrangement. So I'm not walking to the front door by myself."

Of course I remembered the arrangement. I had been thinking about it non-stop. "So," she said and then paused for the longest time expecting me to act. She unfolded her arms and lifted them up slightly, perhaps to make it easier for me.

I took my wand out from my back pocket and held it up. Hermione looked at the wand with complete disdain. For her, perhaps it was the simple of everything that was wrong with our relationship. The black wand now grey with dust showed her that the magic was gone.

I planned on using the levitation spell. It was one of the first spells I had ever performed but I hadn't performed any magic in many years and I wondered if this was actually a good idea. Would it even work with Hermione's weight? I was going to try though and I closed my eyes and focused as hard as I could. I waved the stick from left to right. "Wingardium Leviosa." I called. And then it happened, Hermione's feet lifted from the ground and she started to float in the air. I floated her over to me so she was in the perfect position to glide gently down into my arms. I thought I had done a good job but Hermione wasn't impressed.

"Stop this right now!" she shouted.

It took a few seconds for the words to register and I continued to steadily float her body toward me.

"I mean it, Harry!" she shrieked. Her shrill voice was like a knife piercing into my skull.

I released my spell and set her down.

I apologised but I didn't know what the problem was. No doubt it was just Hermione being difficult. It was only a simple spell. I thought that was what was missing in our lives but as usual I was wrong.

"You can't use magic." Hermione said. "It's cheating so it's not part of this deal. Magic is banned for the next thirty days. You have to carry me properly using your own body and your own strength."

My own strength? I wasn't sure I even had any.

I gulped. This was it. As silly as this was, it was important. That's what I had to keep telling myself.

I put my right hand around her waist. Touching her felt strange and then I bent down to put my left hand under her thighs. Her skin felt so soft. I hadn't touched her in such a long time. I lifted her up, awkwardly at first. I was nervous and embarrassed about the whole situation. This wasn't like our wedding day at all, where I had carried Hermione over the threshold and into the bedroom with a confidence I had all but lost now. She was a little heavier now too, or maybe I was weaker. I carried her down the stairs gingerly. She put her arms around my neck but looked away, not saying a word. It was more awkward than I thought it was going to be. A month of this was going to be pure hell.  
When we reached the door, Charlotte shouted from the top of the stairs. She beamed as she couldn't believe I was standing their with mummy in my arms carrying her in such a loving way. She had probably never seen that before. She ran down the stairs and glomped onto my leg almost making me lose my balance.

"Daddy, you're the best!" she sang as she skipped into the kitchen.

Then Hermione turned to me and whispered quietly: "Please don't tell Charlotte about our divorce."

I nodded and agreed and then put Hermione down on her feet. That was it for today. She touched my arm, maybe to thank me, I wasn't sure. Her expression remained stoic. I just couldn't tell what she was thinking.

At work, Ginny asked me how it went and whether I actually went through with it. I told her that I did it. I carried her from the bedroom to the front door and that I would have to do that 29 more times in order to get the divorce.

Later in the day, I complained about a back problem and held my lower back as I limped across the office. Carrying Hermione had hurt my back. Ginny asked what was wrong and told me to sit down.

"Guess I'm not used to the workout." I said, half-joking.

"Don't overstrain yourself, Harry. You don't have to do this. There are other lawyers you can talk to."

"No, no, it's fine. It'll just take me a few days to get back in shape."

Ginny massaged my shoulders and back. It felt so good having her hands wash over aching muscles. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply relaxing back into the chair.

"Poor, Harry," she said. "You don't deserve this. You deserve better."

"Thanks Ginny. I really appreciate all this."

Maybe Ginny would be the one to drag me out of all this. To be my shining beacon of light in a world full of darkness. Ginny continued to caress my weary limbs. This was the closest we had ever been too. I quite liked it.

On the second day, I lifted Hermione more easily this time. She went up in my arms with no problem at all. As soon as I picked her up, Charlotte came out of her room already dressed in her school uniform. She was so excited to see mummy and daddy like this. It was becoming the best part of her day. She would even be late for school sometimes because she wanted to wait and see me carry mummy.

I carried Hermione down the stairs and to the front door just as I had done the day before. I was going to put her down but she told me not to and instead instructed me to carry her out the house and to the car. This was too embarrassing. In the house was fine but what if someone was to see us? The neighbours knew how bad our relationship had got. What would they think if they saw us like this?

Charlotte opened the front door for us and I walked out the house with Hermione in my arms. Then I heard a familiar voice from across the street. It was Ron. He had grown tall but kept his huge mop of bright red hair. He waved his arms. I smiled back but with a slight grimace. Hermione was the same. She clung to my neck tightly. Her head now nestled in the crook of my shoulder. "Hey. hey, superman!" Ron shouted. "I didn't think you were the type for this. I must say I'm impressed."

"I can assure you Ron, I'm not the type for this. But if you'll excuse me, I've got a job to do."

I carried Hermione over to the car and set her down gently in the passenger's seat. I had agreed to drive her to the tennis club that day. I was just glad that she didn't ask me to carry her all the way there.

Charlotte ran off to school and Ron laughed and continued strolling leisurely down the street without a care in the world. His life seemed so much better than mine. How did end up that way? He and Lavender had had a short fling but that soon ended. Now he was enjoying the single life. He could get up whenever he wanted and could stay out late. I envied him somewhat. That life seemed more appealing to me now than ever.

The next few days were like a blur all mashed together.

I remember Hermione speaking to Charlotte in the kitchen over dinner one time. She was explaining to her why I was carrying her every morning. She told Charlotte that I was such a loving person with a big heart and I just wanted to hold her in an embrace al the time, never letting go. Charlotte smiled. She was so happy to hear that.

It was a lie though. Hermione didn't really think that. It was all a trick. She wanted something more from me and I was determined to find out what it was.

I walked into the kitchen and Hermione immediately stopped talking. Charlotte then looked at me and said: "Daddy, I want you to hold me just like, mummy."

And that's what I did, scooping up Charlotte and lovingly carried my little baby to the living room.

On the fifth day, my schedule was now like clockwork. Get up, wash, dress, carry Hermione downstairs. It all seemed normal, except the last part. If only it were lovingly.  
I lifted Hermione effortlessly this time. She was getting lighter or perhaps I was getting stronger from this unique workout. This time I noticed her face so close to mine. There were fine lines and wrinkles on her cheek, her hair was greying as was mine. I hadn't looked at her closely for a long time. She wasn't young anymore.

My mind raced back to our wedding down and on that day we committed our vows. "Til death do us part." We said in unison and the kissed a long deep kiss. The church erupted with applause. Everyone was there: Cho, Neville, Luna, Fleur, Seamus and of course Ron and Ginny. It's funny how life works out sometimes.

The sixth day, Hermione was wearing short skirt with thigh-high stocking with a flowery blouse. Her hair was tied-back in a ponytail. I always liked it best like that. She looked pretty sexy in this get up. But I didn't want to admit it. I just picked her up in my arms as per usual and carried her downstairs to the door. There I held onto her for just a moment and felt her weight in my arms. Her thighs were so soft and tender. I hadn't felt this close to her in a long time. But holding her so near to me made me feel different.

Time stood still. For that one moment, it was our wedding day again.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Hermione was getting dressed on the fifteenth day. She was putting on her blouse in front of the mirror. Her clothes seemed much baggier than before and her face had got noticeably thin. Maybe I wasn't getting stronger. Maybe she really was losing weight. Of course, I didn't ask her about it. The relationship had warmed but was still tepid. We weren't ready for conversations yet.

I waited for her to get dressed and then picked her up and carried her to the door. She was as light as a feather.

Ginny was first to the office again, already hard at work sending off emails and working on an advertising campaign for the new Quidditch Season. She said she was going off on a business trip to Hogwarts to scout for new players. She asked me to come along with her. I said I'd think about it. It would be difficult to go as it clashed with my arrangement with Hermione.

Ginny huffed. She was annoyed I was going through with all of this. She couldn't understand it at all.

"Do you still love her?" she asked.

"No, of course not. But I have to do it to get the divorce. It's important to provide a stable home for Charlotte to grow up in."

"If you think it's best, then I guess you have to do it."

Ginny put her hand on my arm and squeezed my muscles.

"You're getting strong these days, Harry." she said.

"Well, it's with all this carrying I'm doing."

Perhaps Ginny secretly wished I would carry her like that. I thought that's what she was thinking. She came over to me and pushed me down on the chair and sat on my lap.

"Ginny, you're so good to me." I said. "I don't know how to thank you."

Ginny ran her long, slender fingers through my hair and whispered: "I know how you can thank me."

She came in closer, pursing her lips and that's when we kissed. Her lips tasted like sweet wine. I found myself pulling her down on top of me as my tongue went deeper and deeper. It was the most passionate moment in many years.

The arrangement.

The thought hit me like a bolt of lightning out of the blue. I pulled away from Ginny. She asked if I okay. Everything was fine but I couldn't do it, I just couldn't do this.

"I'm sorry, Ginny, this is a really difficult time for me right now."

"It's ok, Harry. I understand." she said getting off my lap and fixing her hair. "We all have decisions that we have to make. Some of them are more important than others. But we have to stand by those decisions."

Ginny was right. I hugged her and apologised again.

I hoped she understood.

But when I left the office that day, I could hear her crying alone. I never realised the choices, the selfish choices I sometimes made really affected people. I had some serious thinking to do.

That's why I decided to meet Ron at the Leaky Cauldron. The atmosphere there was at least neutral and I'd be able to get my head straight over a beer and maybe some leaky house soup too.

I met Ron outside the pub and we went in together. Neville was there behind the bar. I was surprised the whole place was empty and he was even more surprised to see us. There was a musty odour in the room. Old paintings decorated the walls with cobwebs dangling from above and it all looked largely untouched from the last time I visited six years earlier, just before Charlotte was born. Some things never changed.

I greeted Ron and gave a good firm slap on the back followed by a fist pump.

"Hey, Harry, haven't seen you around here for a long time? How's things?"

"I'd be lying if I said they were good, Neville."

"Oh."

I'd instantly made the atmosphere awkward and tense. It seemed I had a special way of doing that. "Where is everyone?" Ron asked Neville, trying to break the tension.

"Oh business isn't so good these days. I think I might close up. There's more and more competition from modern and cheaper establishments."

"But this place is tradition." Ron said. "It's got history. Those new places are good but they're just soulless."

"Well you'll have to tell everyone else then because I think they disagree."

"How's Hannah?" I asked.

"She's good thanks. She's just upstairs at the moment. I'll call her if you like. She'd be happy to see you guys."

"No, no, it's ok. We're just here for a quiet drink."

"Fair enough. What'll it be then?"

"Two beers, please."

Neville poured the beers as Ron and I took our seats at the counter in front of the bar.

"I envy you, Ron." I said.

"Why's that" he replied.

"You're free. You're happy."

"But Harry, you're the famous wizard who killed Voldermort. You're adored all over the land. And you got the girl. I envy you."

"You really shouldn't Ron. It's not been easy. Sure, the days after Voldermort were good and then after graduation I felt like a king but I was soon sent crashing down to earth. I just don't know who I married sometimes. I don't understand her at all."

"Really? I saw you two the other day. You had her in your arms. I was blown away, mate. Looked like you were getting on just great."

"That wasn't real Ron. It was just an illusion."

Ron rubbed his eyes. "Just another one of your magic tricks?"

Neville handed us the large mugs of beer and I immediately buried my face deep in the beverage to try and avoid conversation. I tried to avoid magic these days as much as I tried to avoid awkward talk. Everything was always easier when staring down the bottom of my beer glass.

"What's all this I'm hearing with you and Hermione?" Neville asked.

"No, it's nothing, we're just going through a difficult phase." I replied.

"Not heard anything about that. But there's lots of rumours about you too. Heard you been carrying your missus around all over the place not letting her walk an inch. Must say, it's an awfully romantic gesture. Hannah keeps begging me to do the same with her but I don't have the stamina for it."

I laughed and they laughed along with me but they couldn't tell my sarcasm. I really wasn't happy at all and no one believed me. Was Hermione just playing a game with me?

I finished my beer quickly. Ron still wasn't half done with his. I ordered one more and another for him. I thought the more I drank the more I could avoid idle chatter. Turns out, that wasn't the case. It only made things worse. I looked around the old pub. Looked at the old chandeliers with cobwebs hanging off. It really did look like no one had been there for many many years. "I kissed Ginny today." I said to Ron. I always thought I could confide in Ron. Whenever I had a problem, he was always the first person I would turn to.

"I kissed her in the office today. What should I do?"

Ron raised his eyebrows. "My sister? Woah! I don't think you should be telling me things like that. I don't know what to think. You and Hermione seem so perfect together. Are you sure it wasn't a love potion like Amortentia or something?"

No, definitely nothing like that but times have changed." I said taking another gulp of beer. I was almost finished with my second glass. "The last few years have been really dark for me, personally. "

Ron patted me on the shoulder. "Well as old Dumbledore once said, happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

I laughed despite myself. Ron was the person I always turned to for advice and for all his misgivings, he always seemed to somehow make me feel better about things.

"He was a wise old fool, that Dumbledore." I said and then a long paused before I continued. "God, I miss those days so much."

Ron and I continued drinking and reminiscing about the good old times. Less about my marriage and more about Hogwarts. We laughed and cried telling stories of old Rubeus Hagrid. He still worked up in Hogwarts. Some things never changed.

I chucked down a few more beers. Ron and Neville were a bit surprised to see how much I could drink. I wasn't a drunk by nature but anything to hide the pain, I suppose.  
The large entrance door then opened with a loud creak. I turned around. It was Hermione holding a sleeping Charlotte in her arms. She looked angry as she slammed the door closed. Hermione and Neville exchanged pleasantries but the only thing she said to me was: "You're late!"

"I'm sorry. I was just having a couple of beers with Ron. I didn't think you'd mind."

"I don't mind." she said. "But Charlotte cares. She was crying and wanted to see you."

"How did you know I was here?"

Neville turned away sheepishly at that point.

"I got a call from Hannah. She told me that you were here with Ron knocking back quite a few so I had to bring Charlotte with me. Anyway, in your state I'm not sure how you would get back be yourself."

"I'm not drunk." I said, slurring my words. "I'm fine."

Charlotte then started to wake up. "Daddy!" she called out sleepily. "I missed you!"

Hermione put her down and she ran up and attached herself to my leg, clinging to my trousers in that affectionate way she always did. She looked so cute dressed in her striped pyjamas, ready for bed.

"You know the promise!" Charlotte said giggling.

"What promise is that?" Neville asked.

"He has to carry mummy whenever I'm here."

She was literally bouncing up and down with prospect of seeing that. I was so embarrassed. I thought about telling Hermione to go to hell and ending the conditions for divorce right there. But then I looked down at Charlotte. My little, sweet girl was my world. I couldn't let her down.

I did as promised and swept Hermione into my arms. Neville and Ron clapped and cheered. Hannah came downstairs and stood behind Neville. She clapped too. The sound echoing around the large empty pub.

It was so humiliating.

"Are you going to give a smooch too?" Hannah asked.

That was going too far. This was bad enough. I didn't need any more contact between us. All these negative thoughts swirled around in my brain. I felt like I was falling down an endless chasm, trapped and unable to get out. I felt like I just couldn't be happy. Something was blocking that part of the brain. But then when I looked at Charlotte, she was like an angel, shining bright out of the darkness.

I had an idea.

I put Hermione down for a second. I told her to lift Charlotte up and she did. Then I scooped up Hermione one more time. It was more difficult carrying two but I steadied myself and was able to hold them both pretty easily.

"Have a good night, Harry." said Ron.

"Thanks." "Good night, Uncle Ron." shouted Charlotte waving.

Charlotte yawned and then so did Hermione. Charlotte closed her eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep, resting her head between mine and Hermione's shoulders. Hermione yawned again looking like she was ready to drift off too. She looked at me with weary eyes. I thought for a second that I saw her smile. Maybe it was just my imagination. She didn't. Hermione then reached out and touched my long, scraggly black beard that I had been too lazy to shave off these last few months.

"I think you need a shave, Harry." she said.

I definitely did. I had let myself go terribly with all the stress and pain. But I didn't reply to her. I simply watched as she yawned again, her eyelids gradually growing heavy and then fluttered closed. She drifted off into sleep along with Charlotte with both of them now resting their heads on my shoulder.

"There goes the happy family." said Neville.

"You should be more like Harry!" said Hannah. "When was the last time you carried me?"

Neville didn't really appreciate having his manhood challenged so he then turned and tried to scoop up his wife. It was a struggle at first and I could hear him audibly wince under the weight. Hannah looked less than impressed. Neville quickly put his wife down and held his lower back.

"Thank you, darling." said Hannah. "But this is hardly elegant, is it. Not like the Potters over there."

The Potters? The word struck so many emotional chords deep in my heart like the perfect note in a symphony orchestra. It sounded out and resonated around my entire body. This was my family. They were mine. I was holding my family up.

I carried Hermione and Charlotte out of the pub thinking that perhaps I could make a new start.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

4am.

What was I doing up at 4am? I couldn't sleep again. I looked at myself in the mirror in the half-dimmed bathroom light. I studied myself, looked deep within my own eyes and felt llke things needed to change. I hadn't notice how quickly I had deteriorated, how my once youthful appearance had given way to an old, tired man. I almost cried.

I took my razor out of the cabinet and washed it under warm water. I then gently rubbed in some foam and started shaving. My skin was sensitive and it burned and it felt like I was slicing off half my face. It took over half an hour to remove my beard and there underneath lay the Harry Potter of old. The Harry Potter of Hogwarts who had slain Voldermort.

In the sofa I saw that Hermione had stood the photo frames back up with our wedding pictures that she had slammed down in a rage several weeks earlier. It warmed me to know she still cared or was it something else? Was she just out to hurt me more by realising the happy life we used to have? I wondered for hours.

I managed to catch a few hours sleep on the sofa, eventually drifting off to the soothing sounds of the morning birds. I was awoken later by both Hermione and Charlotte. It seemed just like old times. Hermione appreciated the way I acted in the pub and our icy relationship was starting to thaw. I still felt that divorce was the best option though. It was best for our daughter. I was so happy to see her smiling face each morning. I wondered if I would be able to live without her with only weekend visits and the occasional holiday. Was this really what I wanted? I wasn't sure anymore.

Hermione hadn't mentioned any more of there terms or agreements since they were first made and I always wondered how she felt. I guess not asking her enough questions was one of the reasons why our marriage went downhill so fast. Every time I thought about bringing it up I just bottled it. With no magic to save us, I was left to my own devices, my own intuition and I was never the best at that.

After waking up, I went to the kitchen and saw that Hermione had made me breakfast. It was the first time in a long time. My eyes welled up for a second to see the effort that she had made. Bacon and eggs with bread and butter - it was my favourite. I ate with my family and we talked, talked almost like a normal family. I asked Charlotte how she was getting along with school. She said some of the other kids had teased her having magician parents. I guess I never really thought about how hard it must have been for Charlotte. I wanted her to have a normal life but with us nothing could ever be normal.

Charlotte said she was being picked on a lot at school. I hadn't noticed. How could I have not noticed? I was so ashamed of myself for not caring enough, for not being there for the people who needed me most. I sat her on my lap and told her to be brave and not let any of the kids get to her. Failing that, Hermione thought it was a good idea if we visited the school to try and sort things out. Hermione agreed and thought it would be a good idea if we all went together.

Still through it all, Charlotte never looked downbeat. She was enthusistic as ever, bouncing up and down. She wanted to see me carry mummy one final time. It was the highlight of her day. It was to be one final time - the last day.

I stood with Hermione and we just looked into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity. A sad tinge of regret washed over both of us. We both realised that we had made mistakes but we needed to move forward.

Hermione complimented me on my clean-shaven face. She touched it and then ran her smooth palm down my jawline. My skin was still a little sore and tender but her touch felt nice.

I carried Hermione just as I always did. But this time I felt different- a tinge of regret, perhaps. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I didn't want to put her down. I wanted to hold her like that forever like a statue, feeling her soft, shapely thighs in my arms. It had been a long month, but I felt closer to her now than I had during the whole marriage. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and set Hermione gently down on her feet.

"So, I guess this is the last day." she said. I think she sounded sorry too. "Yeah."

"Have a good day at work then. Thank you for keeping your promise so I'll keep mine."

She said and she kissed me lightly on the cheek. A shiver ran down my spine. The next morning felt so strange not holding her in my arms, somewhat empty. Were these feelings of my love for her rekindled. It couldn't possibly be true, could it? I mulled it over with a coffee in hand waiting for Hermione to come out of the bedroom.

I dreamt that she touched me while I was sleeping. Was it a dream or was it real? I heard the door open upstairs. It was Hermione, still in her pyjamas - one of my old t-shirts, too large for her and loose grey socks.

I ran up the stairs to meet her. "Harry? What's going on?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"

"Just a moment." I replied.

I then reached down and swept Hermione right off her feet. She let a tiny squeal with surprise but didn't resist.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"What does it look like?" I said.

"The 30 days are up now. You don't need to do this anymore."

"I know I don't need to but I want to."

Hermione adjusted my spectacles and then draped her arms around my neck lovingly as I carried her down the stairs.

"You know, this is just like our wedding day." she said and gave me a playful punch on the cheek. I couldn't even remember the last time she had acted playfully. Just say it if you want to say it. "You're really good to me, Hermione. I'm sorry for everything."

"I'm sorry too, Harry. Hopefully this can be the start of something better for the three of us."

"Yes, things always turn out for the best."

Charlotte came running down the stairs, backpack on her shoulders ready for school. She was excited again to see me holding Hermione. She said that she was going to tell all her friends how in love we still were after all theses years for her class presentation. I hesitated. Maybe that wasn't the best idea but I didn't say anything. She waved goodbye and blew us a kiss before leaving out the front door.

"So, where do you plan to carry me, tarzan?" Hermione asked grinning.

"I'm not sure. I just want to hold you like this just a little longer."

I looked at her properly now. The fine lines and wrinkles were still there but this was the first time I could see the youthfulness in her. This was the girl I loved and married.

Suddenly in my mind, Hermione was there in her beautiful white wedding dress. She was waiting on the threshold of our new home. I was wearing my sharpest suit. I walked up to her and unlocked the door. We looked inside together. The hallway was amazing and the staircase was made from the finest mahogany. It was a palace for us newlyweds.I couldn't wait to start my new life. I picked up Hermione just as I had practised a few times before our wedding day - I didn't want to be embarrassed if I couldn't do it, after all. I carried her into our new home. We were both in awe and amazement at the splendor of it all.

"Now, for the bedroom, my darling." I said.

I was obviously better at pulling off the corny lines when I was young too. I carried her into the bedroom where I had laid rose petals on the sheets. Hermione was almost in tears. It was the most romantic thing she had ever seen in her life. We kissed, a deep passionate kiss. I moved Hermione over to the bed and set her down. This was as perfect and as real as my life ever got. I climbed on top of her, ripped off my shirt and made love to her that glorious spring afternoon, our tongues intertwining, our bodies pushing and pulling, laden with sweat. I was so sorry how everything had worked out between us but in that one heated moment all thoughts disappeared as our tongues intertwined, our bodies pushing and pulling, laden with sweat. It was pure bliss.

After that I felt a certain weight had been lifted. I felt lighter and had the old spring in my step. I drove to work thinking about Hermione. Driving now with my mind clearer and more focused. I knew what I wanted. I wanted Hermione.

At work, I told Ginny about my feelings. She cried and slapped me. I thought that was a bit of an overreaction. She broke down in tears. I wanted to comfort her but I couldn't. I had my heart set on winning back Hermione's heart. It wasn't going to be easy, I knew that. But I wanted to try. I stroked her long, ginger hair and told her how sorry I was. This wasn't a decision I had taken lightly.

Ginny was so upset she couldn't speak. Just wailing. I hadn't realised her feelings for me had been that strong. If I had known, maybe I would have acted sooner and maybe I would have married Ginny instead. She didn't accept any of my reasoning. When I told her I still loved Hermione, she slapped me hard, so hard it almost drew blood. The stinging sensation in my cheek hurt deeply but the it hurt me more inside. I rubbed my cheek and left the office without saying another word. I didn't think she deserved it, still I felt guilty. Ginny had helped me a lot when times were bad. She shouted my name just before I walked out of the door. I moved forward, she inched back, perhaps thinking I was going to strike her in retaliation. But I simply hugged her. That was it. No words. No big goodbyes. I could feel her quiver with emotion beneath me as we stood locked in an embrace for several seconds.

She told me later over the phone how sorry she was for slapping me and she just wished things had worked out the way she had dreamed of. She told me that she had always dreamed of marrying me. I never saw her again. She quit the next day. It was a shame that such a long friendship had to end that way. As I left the office hearing her cries I wondered if I really was a bad person.

I drove home, still nursing my bruised cheek and stopped by a small flower shop.

Inside, the store clerk was a young girl, short with a cute mousey face - she must have been only a teenager. Sarah, her round name badge on her lapel read. She smiled and recognised me. She told me proudly that her sister was now attending Hogwarts. I asked the store clerk, Sarah for largest, most colourful bouquet they could make. She brought out several white lilies mixed with several different kinds of rose. She asked me if I wanted to write a message.

"I'll carry you anywhere, my darling." I said.

The girl chuckled and wrote the message for me on a small card and put it with the bouquet. I paid and left skipping were finally starting to look up. I was determined to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm quite amazed this story has had so many readers and I'm glad people like the story. Big thanks to you all! The next chapter will be up Saturday (15th). I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Remember even though this is based on a famous story and I think a lot of readers here know it, this is an adaptation and a lot of things may be altered. Hope to see you next time! x


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

I looked at my watch, 3 o'clock. I was early. Charlotte wouldn't even be home from school now. I wanted to surprise her.

When I pulled up in the driveway, I took a moment to look at my house, our house. Hermione and I had it built just after our marriage. It was going to last for the rest of our lives. It was the perfect size for all three of us to live in happily ever after. And as I stood in front of the door holding the bouquet of flowers, I started to tremble. Was this really going to be happily ever after?

I knew life wasn't a fairy tale even in my world of wizards and magic. I knew that if I wanted to make things right with Hermione, I had to start now. I couldn't be selfish or brash anymore. Mistakes were mistakes but that was in the past and now was about the future, our future together. If I could make it work, that was.

I put the key in the lock and took in a deep breath. This was it. I couldn't remember the last time I surprised Hermione with flowers. I opened the door and walked inside. I was a bit disappointed Hermione was not right there in the hallway. I would have ran in and swept her into my arms. That was how I imagined it driving home in the car.

I closed the door behind me and called out to Hermione. She didn't reply. I thought she must be sleeping. I went up to the bedroom and in an instance my world stopped. Hermione was lying on the ground, eyes closed, unconscious. Her long auburn hair was strewn all across her face. Her arms contorted and splayed above her. Her face was lifeless and pale. All the blood suddenly drained from my face.

She fell? This can't be happening not now. In my panic, I dropped the bouquet on the floor and leapt over to her. "Hermione! Hermione!" I cried out.

No response.

Her skin was icy cold.

I checked her pulse - weak but still beating. She was still alive. I had to act. I tried a revival spell. I was too nervous, I couldn't focus my magic - it didn't work. I tried one more time. Same. All my skills seemed to have deserted me at the wrong time.

I stroked her face, begging her to wake up. I combed her hair away from her face. It was still wet, just washed. I looked around and saw there were hundreds of white pills scattered all over the floor. The bathroom cabinet door was wide-open. There were boxes and boxes of all kinds of medicine stacked up high.

Had she really been sick all this time?

I tried CPR putting my lips to hers and pumping my hands on her chest. She coughed once or twice. It was a good sign. "Hermione" I whispered in her ear. She murmured something unintelligible and moved her head from side to side.

Then a whisper so soft it was barely audible but I heard it loud and clear.

"Harry" I looked at her, her eyes now open but flickering, the whites of her eyes exposed. "Harry" she said once more.

Hermione was now wide awake but still too weak to lift her head from the ground. She was looking around the room in a dazed and confused way.

"What happened?" I asked.

She didn't reply.

Everything must have still been a blur to her. I put three fingers up in front of her and asked her to count. She correctly answered after a bit of hesitation. Her vision was only just coming back. One thing for sure was I had to get her to a hospital - fast!

"I'm taking you to the hospital, Hermione, hold on."

Hermione gripped my hand as I pulled her to her feet.

"Can you walk?" I asked.

"I'm fine, Harry. I-I just need to rest here."

She didn't look fine and wasn't thinking straight. I draped her right arm over my neck and supported her lower back as we walked together slowly. "No, please, Harry. I'm fine."  
Then suddenly her head jolted back and her eyes closed. "Hermione" I screamed. No answer. She had fainted.

There was no more time for thinking. I quickly bent down and curled my right arm underneath her knees and scooped her up into my arms. She was really light this time even as dead weight. I kept screaming Hermione's name over and over. It couldn't end like this.

As I carried her, I trampled on the bouquet of flowers that I was going to give to her. I looked back at the roses all crumpled, the petals now scattered and the note that had come loose. "I will carry you anywhere." Reality was often stranger than dreams. I couldn't bear to look at it anymore and turned away and carried Hermione down the stairs.

I put Hermione in the back seat and then hit the accelerator. I checked the mirror several times to check on her. A few times, she moving and panting and sweating - all good signs.

At the hospital, everyone's head turned when I rushed in carrying Hermione unconscious in my arms. A doctor immediately called for a stretcher and I placed her on it. They rushed her off. There were so many people shouting and running, I didn't know what was going on. A nurse came up to me and told me I couldn't go into the emergency rom and I would have to wait.

"That's my wife!" I shouted. "Do you know who I am? I'm Harry Potter, for God's sake!"

"I understand your frustration, sir." said the nurse. "But I'm afraid you'll have to wait here. We'll keep you updated. Thank you for your understanding."

Everyone was still looking at me. I regretted my little outburst terribly. I apologised to the nurse. She understood and said that people in desperate times do desperate things. She forgave me.

I was so lucky to have people forgive me.

I wondered if Hermione really forgave me.

What was Charlotte going to think? It was three-thirty. I had to go and pick her up from school. I drove to the school. She was standing there at the front gate so happy to see me. That little angel always lit up my life. I didn't usually pick her up. This must have been a rare treat for her.

But watching her expression change as I told her that mum was in the hospital broke my heart. I tried to stay strong for her. Charlotte was crying uncontrollably. Hearing her cries cut me deeply like a knife twisting in my stomach. I waited in the hospital with Charlotte on my lap cradling and rocking her gently the whole time. She had calmed down quite a bit now but still couldn't hide her sadness. Neither could I.

The nurse eventually came out to give us an update on the situation. My heart sank as I saw her serious expression.

"Mr Potter?" she called. "How is she?"

"She's stable. We're going to have to keep her in for observation for a few days but after that she should be free to go."

"Oh my god, that's great! Can we see her?"

"Yes. But she's sleeping at the moment. Best not to wake her." She turned and motioned with her hand towards the large double doors leading to emergency room. "Follow me." she said.

I held Charlotte's hand as we followed the nurse down the labyrinth of empty hollow hospital corridors until we reached Hermione's room.

There she was. Lying there draped in white sheets, a respirator, an IV, all kinds other tubes and needles around her arms. Three doctors swarm around the bedside. Charlotte ran up and shook her. I pulled her back and told her to let Hermione rest.

"Is mommy OK?" she asked.

"Yes, she's fine." I lied. I didn't know. All I could do now was hope.

I told Charlotte to pray. I had to be strong. I had to be optimistic. But looking at her there, lying on that bed, filled me with the most unimaginable dread. The feeling of being alone. I had wanted it all this time but now I had it, it was the worst feeling in the world.

I wanted Hermione.

I wanted the three of us to live in our home happily ever after.

Even during the darkest days. Even during the days when tension between us was unbearable. I just wanted us to be happy. I just became so caught up in everything, I was unable to express my true feelings.

I got down on my knees and prayed in front of her.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

]  
Charlotte gave me a comforting hug. I squeezed her hard. "I'm so sorry."

xxx

The next day when I went to the hospital, I was surprised to see that Hermione was awake. She was smiling. I gave her small kiss on the cheek. She told me she and heard me apologising the night before. She felt mine and Charlotte's presence in the room. I didn't believe in any of that spirituality stuff she was talking about. But she said our presence kept her going, it kept her alive. Then came the tough questions. I asked her about the pills.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Harry. I've been sick a lot."

How could I not have seen this? I was too busy or this and that? It wasn't until recently I noticed she had lost weight. Hermione coughed. I propped up her pillow and helped her to sit up.

"Thank you for carrying me. It brought us together closer than I ever expected."

"What was it all about?"

"I was told I only had 30 days to live."

"What?" I screamed. That was ridiculous. What was wrong with her?

"I just wanted in those last thirty days for Charlotte to see you as a loving husband, not the man who was alienated from his family. Now she will always remember you that way."

"B-But," I could hardly get my words out now. "The nurse told me you were going to be fine."

"I don't know. I've been sick for a while now, Harry. All those pills, I kept locked in the bathroom cabinet. You never checked, I know you didn't. It was always my side and your side. Different toothbrush, different toothpaste." She laughed a little but coughed again doing so.

I patted her on the back and asked the doctor in charge about her situation.

The doctor put on his reading glasses and read his notes sternly. He was large burly man, with thin greying hair and a pencil moustache. He had a deep voice which was as scary as it was comforting. It was a voice of authority.

"Well yes, Hermione is suffering from a rare disease." said the doctor with his big voice booming across the hospital ward. "It's one that affects the heart and lungs, slowly at first and then quickly envelops them. Last time you were here Mrs Potter, we only gave you a couple of months. But it seems like you are fighting the disease well and that date could be put back indefinitely."

"You mean she's going to be OK?" I asked somewhat optimistically.

"It appears that for the time being at least she should be fine. But we have to remain cautious, of course. No strenuous exercise and she should come back here once a month for a check-up."

Hermione touched my arm tenderly and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I shivered and shook with emotion.

"Things are going to be OK, you hear that, Hermione?"

"Yes, now, I don't know how long. It doesn't matter. Let's just enjoy the time we have together. Let's just live."

"Wait till I tell Charlotte the news, she'll be over the moon."

I hugged her and kissed her as waves of happiness drifted up and down my body from head to toe.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Hermione came back home a few days later and life couldn't have been better. It was the way it was always supposed to be. The three of us together as a happy family. But I just couldn't get rid of a lingering thought in the back of my mind. The thought of Hermione dying was like a ticking time bomb ready to go off and explode. I still had sleepless nights.  
Hermione hadn't rescinded the divorce yet. I was wondering whether we should go through with it after all, but things were so perfect right now that it was impossible not to hold onto that happiness. But Ron told me in a bar once that holding on to happiness for too long is what ultimately leads to sadness. Sometimes life is about letting go.

I thought about my decision over and over. But there wasn't just me to consider. Charlotte was the happiest I had ever seen her after Hermione came out of the hospital. At the dinner table she would help fill in the awkward silence between us and always asked us questions. Questions about the past and the future. She asked about Hogwarts.  
"What kind of place was it?" she asked finishing her juice and looking eagerly into my eye hoping for some magical answer.

I closed my eyes for a second. Waves of memories came flooding back. Those years. They washed over me. I still remembered Mrs McGonagall's shrill voice. "Welcome to Hogwarts. School of Wizardry and Witchcraft." It was something I would never forget in everything that has happened since.

I looked over at Hermione and I could tell she was thinking the same as me, she was having the same flashback, the same ebb and flow of emotion pulling at her heartstrings. Good memories stayed in the soul for all eternity, never wavering, never ceasing.

Finally I answered her. "It was a wondrous place of magic. It's where I spent the best years of my life. There were so many interesting people."

"You learned cool tricks?"

"Hundereds." I said.

"I sure would love to go someday." said Charlotte, a little despondent.

Hermione and I looked at each other. Maybe we could all go there together. It would be a good chance to patch up old ties and the change of scene could help bring us closer together. I told Charlotte that we would go and she was over the moon. She clapped her hands and danced and sang. I moved closer to Hermione. We felt proud that we had raised such a lovely little girl.

But there was still something on my mind, something bothering me like an annoying tick that I couldn't shake off. I waited until Hermione was in the bathroom, washing her face to confront her. I wanted an explanation about the pills and the illness. Until now I had kept my anger under wraps but I felt pretty slighted that she had gone behind my back like this and blackmailed me for a divorce.

I walked up behind her and she turned around the instant she caught my reflection in the mirror. She smiled. But soon that smile died down when she saw how grave my expression was.

"Harry, what are you doing?" she asked.

I decided to cut right to the chase. "Hermione, why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't." she said.

That was a lie right there. Was this all a game to her?

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

Hermione fell silent. I think she didn't know the answer. I kept staring her backing her further in the corner.

"Do you know how much you scared me when I found you passed out the other day?" I suddenly raised my voice. "Do you have any idea?"

Hermione backed away and started crying. I heard Charlotte wake up in the room and regretted shouting at Hermione. "I'm sorry, Harry. Please, understand. At the time I was so scared you would just leave me. That you would pack your bags and just go."

I paused to think about that for a moment. "That's ridiculous." I said. "No matter how bad things got I would never just walk out. That's why I offered such a divorce settlement that favoured you. But you ripped it up."

Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I don't want any money, Harry!" Hermione then lowered a voice to a barely audible whisper. "I'm dying. I wanted Charlotte to remember you as a good father and a good husband."

I stepped forward and held her shoulders. She recoiled, probably thinking I was going to attack her.

"You're not dying Hermione, the doctor said you're fine."

Hermione put her finger to my lips and hushed me. She grabbed a towel from the drawer and wiped her face with it. "I'm sorry." she whispered one more time.

It didn't matter how many times she said, it didn't make it hurt any less.

Hermione took a step past me but suddenly lost her balance and fell into me. I caught her.

"Hermione!" I cried. I had the same sinking feeling I did when I found her on the floor. Her eyelids flickered for a second but she soon came around.

"Harry." she said.

It worried me that Hermione had fainted again. I kept thinking about time. All the time I had wasted being mean and hurtful and spiteful. Hermione steadied herself. Then I heard a creak and soft, light footsteps. Charlotte was standing in the doorway looking at the two of us with sleepy eyes. She yawned and asked "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, hun," I lied. "Mommy and I are just talking."

"I heard shouting."

"It's ok, honey." Hermione said. "Dad and I are just talking about our trip to Hogwarts next week."

I was so happy that Hermione covered me like that. Hermione completely regained her balance and thanked me for catching her. She then picked up a sleepy Charlotte and carried her back to bed.

I took another look inside the bathroom cabinet at the pills: various kinds of pain killers and some stuff I'd never seen before: vincasar PFS and Intron A. What was this even for? I felt sick myself. Looking at these pills made me realise how fragile life really was. I knew that our time was short and I now had to make every day count. When I went to bed that night, Hermione was already asleep. I touched her back and ran my fingers across her soft, delicate skin. Just thinking that one day I wouldn't have this feeling, that Hermione wouldn't be sleeping next to me was what I feared the most. I kept telling myself that she would be okay. The doctor said it but I was caught in two minds. In the end, I thought everything would be fine but with an ever lingering dread tingling down my spine.

xxx The next week rolled around in a flash.

Charlotte was so excited about our trip to Hogwarts. We managed to pull a few strings and get her the day off school. This was going to be a unique experience I didn't want her to miss. Charlotte was so excited that she jumped on our bed and woke us up before our alarm went off. She was already dressed and ready to go. Hermione took her time waking up and every time she was unresponsive even for a second, I leapt up and checked her pulse. Hermione groggily woke up and asked me what I was doing. I had to come up with an excuse that I was just stroking her neck. She smiled. I loved her sweet smile. It was one of the things that first attracted me to her. I wondered what she must have been thinking with my completely 180 degree turnaround. Now smitten with her like a horny teenager, more than I had been even when we were teenagers.

She slapped me playfully. Charlotte continued shaking us.

"Get up! Get up!" she screamed. "We're going to Hogwarts!"

"Ok, honey." I said. "Just give us a minute."

She wasn't giving us that minute though and continued jumping up and down and running around like a lunatic while Hermione and I got dressed. But as tired as I was I knew today was an important day and I had an important question for Hermione.

I wanted to see if she really saw a future between us. I had been thinking about it all week ever since I confronted her in the bathroom. I wasn't sure how she would react but I had to try. I didn't know if it would be my last chance.

I looked over at Charlotte, at her bright, gleaming eyes and knew I was making the right decision. Hermione and I decided to dress in our old Hogwarts uniform for old times sake. It was silly but it was just for nostalgia and trying to hold on to the past. I was amazed my old clothes still fit. I had grown a little more muscular and it was a tight squeeze. I looked in the mirror and traced thumb down the scar on my forehead. It was something that never went away and always brought me back to that world of magic even at times when I tried to shut it all out. Hogwarts was a part of me. Butterflies filled my stomach and I was as excited as Charlotte was.

Hermione came out in her plaid skirt and knee high socks. She was picture perfect. She was the girl who protected me against Voldermort, the girl who risked her life to save me. She even wore her hair differently. She wore it all down and gently permed just like the old days.

Her uniform still fit perfectly, no doubt after all the weight she had lost recently. Her heavy make-up hid the dark circles under her eyes. I had seen her the night before writing furiously again late in the night, past 3am. The same steely focus and determination etched in her face as the night before she handed me her divorce conditions. Was this something else? Again I didn't ask any questions. I was still scared to communicate openly with her.

I was hoping that something inside of me would change. I just needed the courage.

And then Charlotte turned to me and said one more time. "Let's go, Daddy!"

xxxx

We took the train up to Hogwarts boarding at Kings Cross direct to Hogsmeade Station. We had struck a special deal with Mrs McGonagall and managed to book a charter train just for us. She said it was the least she could do to thank us for helping us preserve Hogwarts all those years ago.

Steamrolling through the Great British countryside, I sat and drifted away as the trees and fields raced by. My memory took me back to when I saw just eleven years old taking this trip for the first time. I was so nervous but also intrigued by this magical place. The scenery hadn't changed much since I last took this trip but I certainly had.

Charlotte and Hermione played with chocolate frog cards to pass the time while I remained deep in thought. It was nice to hear them laughing and playing together. I thought Hermione had thrown out my collection of rare cards but she had kept them. After a timing journey, it finally pulled up at Hogsmeade Station. There we were greeted by none other than Hagrid. He was still a giant of a man even though his age had led way to an enormous hunch. He now walked with a great stoop but was still a large and commanding presence, his long scraggly hair and beard still his trademarks.

He rubbed his eyes as we got off the train.

"My word, if it isn't Harry Potter." he said smiling.

He lurched forward, bent down and hugged me. His grip was so strong I thought I was going to suffocate. He finally released me and turned his attention to Hermione.

"And Hermione Granger."

"It's Hermione Potter now." she said. The words were like music to my ears.

Hagrid chuckled holding his big fat belly. "I see. And who's this little one?"

"I'm Charlotte." she said as loudly as she could. I was surprised. She wasn't even the least bit intimidated by Hagrid's hulking size. She thought he was funny and wanted to stroke his beard.

"She's a little angel." said Hagrid. "And you two haven't changed a bit."

He was just looking at us in our school uniform. I didn't want to tell him how much we had changed right at that time. I didn't think it was appropriate. I just wanted him to believe that nothing had changed at all. The same uniform. The same wand. The same scar. I was still Harry Potter.

"Age as not cast its ugly spell on you yet Harry." Hagrid said. "Here's hoping that you never age a day. This is how Hogwarts remembers you and how we always want to remember you. I tell you there's going to be a few surprise folks around here. But I know some people already know and are really looking forward to your visit."

"Who else is here?"

"I do believe old Draco Malfoy is still here trying his best to make up for his past mistakes."

In a way that shocked me, but in a way it really didn't. I guessed he wasn't the only one who was trying to make up for past mistakes.

Hagrid continued. "And Ron Weasley came here the other day too."

"Ron?" I said, surprised.

"Oh yes, old Ron has not changed one iota. Still with the same mop of red hair. He said he was bored and depressed with being single and had come back here for some magical inspiration."

Bored of being single? He must have really took our conversation in the Leaky Cauldron to heart. Hagrid directed us to the boat where we floated down the lazy stream up to the imposing fortress of Hogwarts Castle. It stood looming large in the background against the night sky. There was a chill in the air and Charlotte snuggled up close to me. I put my arms around her and so did Hermione to try and keep her warm.

"Here we are." said Hagrid as the boat docked in front of Hogwarts Castle. "Welcome to Hogwarts."

I got off the boat carrying Charlotte and then extended my hand to help Hermione off too. She gratefully took it but stumbled slightly as she lost her footing on the edge of the boat. She landed gracefully in my arms or rather I leaned back to catch her, her head falling into my chest. Charlotte cheered.

"Daddy always carries mommy, isn't that right?" said Charlotte with all the naive innocence that only a six year could have. Hagrid laughed again. "Really?" he said. "You didn't strike me as the romantic type, Harry."

I tried to deflect his comments. "Well, you think you know someone, but people change Hagrid."

Hagrid nodded. He knew what I meant. He had seen it all before here. I wasn't the first wizard to lose his way surely and probably wasn't going to be the last either.

I was worried that Hermione might have hurt herself and I crouched down and motioned to pick her up but she put her arms out to stop me.

"No, no, I'm fine." she said. "Please let me walk this time."

I respected her wish and stood back up and then Minerva McGonagall came out, the Deputy Headmistress. Still she bore a stern face that was as scary as it was motherly. I always had a deep respect for her.

She looked mostly the same too, except much older. Lines and wrinkles now creased her face and her hair was now a shiny silver but still she looked the picture of dignity.

"Harry," she said. "It's great to see you again after all this time. Why did you leave us for so long?"

"I've had a lot of things on mind." I said.

"This place isn't the same without you or you Hermione. Ron already came back a few days ago. He says this is the place he most belongs. I've told me people before, once you come here, you can never really leave." Mrs McGonagall then looked down at Charlotte. "And this must be your lovely daughter I heard so much about."

"Yeah, my name's Charlotte." she said loudly.

"Such a confident little lady. You know, she would fit in quite well around here. I know she's not old enough yet but please think about it. It would be great if you could leave a lasting legacy here Harry."

Hermione and I both looked at each other. Maybe she was right. Maybe letting her learn magic was the best solution for her. After all, she could never really grow up normally with us as her parents anyway. I looked at Hermione and I knew she was thinking the same thing I was. She nodded her head as if our conversation had been conducted entirely through telepathy, the way only long time married couples could.

"Please come in." said Mrs McGonadall.

Charlotte couldn't wait and raced in. We tried to call her back but it was too late she was already miles ahead of us. Walking down the hallway I looked all around. It was so eerily quiet, the echo of our footsteps the only sound. I had goosebumps and so did Hermione. I held her hand. She took it without hesitation. I hadn't done that in years.

Eventually we caught up with her in the library on the third floor. There were thousands of books stacked high and wide, books on all kinds of different spells and magic. There were just as many students as my time there too, all young and eager wizards and witches arduously slaving over their craft. Their fresh faces bright like the sun and eyes gleaming with intrigue. It brought a tear to my eye to think that Hogwarts was in such good hands.

I remembered studying these books as a young apprentice myself thinking that I would be using them all my life. I think I had forgotten most of them now. I found Charlotte reading an old book at the table. Dusty and thick, it was the "Book of Spells". She asked me what the "Bird-Conjuring Spell" was. She didn't know what "conjuring" meant. I told her that it was about amassing a huge number of birds to flock together to protect you. But I had long forgotten how to cast it. I asked Hermione about it. She knew more than I did but even she had forgotten many of the spells we once knew. I was frustrated. I wanted to study more. I wanted to stay here and become a wizard again. That's when amongst the many students leafing through the books, I saw Ron out of the corner of my eye. He was wandering around aimlessly perusing through the Dragon Section, no doubt looking for something that quenched his thirst for nostalgia.

"Ron!" I called out.

Hermione immediately shushed me. "Quiet, Harry, this is a library."

Ron heard and came running down to us offering me a big handshake and a slap on the back. He was just wearing jeans and a hooded sweater "Why are you here, Harry? And dressed in your uniform?" he asked.

"The same reason you are, Ron."

"But you're not broke and single. You've got the perfect life together. You should enjoy it."

I figured Ron was unaware of Hermione's illness, so I whispered what had happened in his ear. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me to stay strong. I was wondering whether he knew about it before. He seemed awfully calm but maybe he was just better at taking bad news, more responsible and mature.

Hermione asked Ron to look after Charlotte and he was happy to. He loved hearing her call him "Uncle Ron". And he went and took her on a tour of the Great Hall. That was good because I needed some alone time with Hermione. I still had my question and had so much nervous tension and energy inside of my, I couldn't stay still.

I wanted to get Hermione to the Room of Requirement. It was a quiet place away from all the students and it was a place I could really talk to her in peace. If memory served me correctly, it was on the seventh floor and I would have to walk past the area of the door three times. We walked up the long winding stairs up and up, creaking with each footstep. Chandeliers above us, dimly lit, shaking as if they might drop at any minute. The further we went up, the more cobwebs we found and the dank smell of rotting wood. The sounds of the students chatter below faded the higher we went and we soon found ourselves alone. It didn't stop Hermione and I from talking though. For some strange reason I couldn't stop and we talked all the way about magic and spells and Hogwarts. We felt like we were kids again.

On the seventh floor, we passed the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. I knew the door was around there somewhere. I walked past it three times thinking about why I needed the room. My reason was clear. I needed to ask Hermione a question. And just like that as if the great castle knew my intentions, it opened up.

Hermione looked at me puzzled.

"Why did you bring me here, Harry?" she asked.

"Come inside, you'll see." I replied.

She was a little perturbed but trusted me and didn't ask anymore questions. I took her hand and led her through the door into the Room of Requirement. The room was amazing. It seemed to mirror my wants and wishes. The walls turned white and there there was beautiful purple wisteria hanging from the ceiling. The pungent smell of the flowers, the beautiful artwork on the walls - this is the way I wanted my setting. It was amazing how my life outside Hogwarts had spun completely out of control, indeed for all of us, but inside, inside the thick walls of the castle, the world was ours.

Hermione stayed a few steps behind me surveying the room. She was as amazed as I was but I think she thought something was up. She was very quiet all of a sudden and I think she didn't know my intentions.

That's when I decided to do it.

I walked right up to and and pulled her into a long, lingering embrace. Then her face washed with tears slowly came to mine as we locked our lips and kissed the most tender and I loving kiss I could ever remember.

It was like the the last few years had been completely erased. I closed my eyes as she closed hers and we were one together, sweating and ripping at each others clothes, our arms and legs all tangled, we sprawled out on the floor.

I was a bit surprised when Hermione backed away from my embrace and pulled a piece of paper that was all crumpled up out of her pocket. She unfolded it - it was our divorce settlement. Why did she bring that with her? Was she really doing this on purpose to hurt me?

I read it once more.

I'm writing to you to express my desire to terminate our marriage. But under certain conditions. Just one condition, in fact. And that is for next thirty days commencing tomorrow (September 19th), you will carry me in your arms from the bedroom to the front door every morning. You will also carry me home any time we go out together with Charlotte. After this, I will agree to a divorce with no other conditions. Thank you for your understanding.

Yours sincerely

Hermione Potter

I was about to ask her why she brought it with her but before I could get the words out she tore it up into tiny pieces and scattered them around the room.

"I don't need this Harry!" she cried. "I just need you!"

I watched as the tiny scraps fluttered to the ground as landed delicately on the floor. Hermione then reached into her pocket again and took out her wand. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she called.

And with that I my feet suddenly left the ground and I was floating midair. Panic struck me, I had never experienced this, to be totally off my feet to be floating in midair. This wasn't like Quidditch. This was a whole different sensation.

Hermione moved her wand up and I flew up higher until my head almost hit the ceiling. Then she lowered her wand and I came back down until I was hovering just in front of her.

"What do you think, Harry?" she said. "Pretty neat, huh? I guess you're not the only one who can do magic tricks."

I laughed but I wasn't going to let Hermione get away with this one. I tried to reach her to pull her towards me but since I was suspended in mid-air, I couldn't get near her. That's when I pulled out my wand too and cried for the same spell.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Hermione's body then rose up off the ground and she was in the air next to me. She giggled when I told her that she wasn't getting away with this one.

She playfully pushed me away and swam through the air to the other side of the room.

I tried to catch up with her but it wasn't easy swimming through air. Hermione burst out laughing at my attempts and then came closer to me. She pulled me closer and slipped her right hand underneath my knees sweeping my legs away while keeping her left hand on my lower back. Hermione had me in the perfect bridal carry position. Luckily I was weightless or I would have broken her back but the feeling of being so close, locked in my lovers' arms made me quiver. This was the way I had held her so many times. It was what brought us closer together. I wrapped my arms around her neck just as she had done to me and we kissed. Sweeping my hands through her soft auburn hair we slowly lowered to the ground at the same time.

As soon as our feet touched and gravity took over, I quickly overpowered her and pulled into me lifting her and twirling her around. "You think you can beat me that easily?" I said as I winked and smiled.

I put Hermione down for a moment after she didn't reply.

She had that serious face again.

"So, why did you bring me here Harry? Just to make love to me?"

That wasn't my main intention but it just happened being alone with her, I couldn't resist. No, I had to stick to my plan and ask her the question.

"What is it Harry? You're creeping me out!"

"No, that's not it, Hermione."

"Then tell me, why are we here?"

I breathed in deeply. This was my moment.

I got down on one knee and held her hand in mine.

"Will you marry me?"

Hermione gasped and put her hand to her chest. "B-But we're already married." she said.

"Yes, but I want us to have a second wedding, to renew our vows. Remember the vows we make our eternal. Till death do us part, right?"

"Right."

"So please, Hermione. Will you marry me?" I asked again.

Then the tears came streaming down her face like a waterfall. Her hand was shaking as I held it and then she stopped crying for a moment and looked down at me with the most gorgeous eyes and I wondered why I had ever been mean or unkind or selfish. I was lost in her gaze, my periphery hazed, a ring of roses wrapped around her eyes as I whispered gently, "I love you."

Then she uttered the word from her lips I would never forget in such a strong and determined tone.

"Yes." she said.


	7. Chapter 7

Ron and I strolled up to the church.

Ron was tearing up small bits of tall grass in his hands. He had been quiet for some time and he seemed even more nervous than I was. "Nervous?" he asked.

"Me? No, no, just hoping I don't do anything embarrassing like trip over or something."

Ron and I both laughed.

"Hope you've got a good speech prepared." I said.

Ron started chewing on some of the grass and then spitting it out, he threw away the rest of the grass and rubbed his hands together.

"Well, I can't promise it will be perfect." he said in that simple, humble way he always did but I knew I could trust him.

We were very early. Ron and I were already dressed to the nines, sharp suits and bow ties, hair slicked back, our shoes shiny so it caught the reflection of the midday sun hanging over us in a cloudless sky.

I wanted to get there early before all the people came and all the distractions, the chatting and the questions. I'm sure lots of people had lots of questions. After all, it was quite odd to suddenly arrange a second wedding.

Charlotte was with Hermione, helping her to get ready. I knew it was bad luck to see her before the ceremony but I was glad when she sent me a text message to tell me that everything was fine.

It must have been quite a thrill for her, to be a bridesmaid at such a tender age. I was hoping it would be a memory to last a lifetime.

The church inside was cold and stale; the faint lingering smell of incense hanging in the air. The hollow sound of our footsteps echoed off the high arched ceiling as we walked down the aisle to the altar. The light shone through the stained glass windows giving the room a golden glow. Ron tested out the pipe organ, letting out a few long, sustained keys. I told him to stop. I didn't really want to get told off by the priest on my wedding day.

I looked back from the altar at the empty church and breathed it all in. The empty benches would soon be filled with the smiling and tearful faces of our friends and family. I saw them there as if they ghostly apparitions, sitting quietly hands in their laps waiting for me to say "I do."

And then I say it and Hermione does in kind and we I lean into her so I can smell her sweet breath and with that, our mouths connect and our tongues collide as I kiss her for the longest time.

"Harry, are you ok?" The deep voice snapped me back; back to the empty church.

Ron was standing right in front of me waving his hand like an hypnotic pendulum. "Hey Harry, you looked like you were in another world there. You're not having second thoughts are you?"

"No, no way. I really mean this. I don't want to sound all melodramatic or anything but I really think this is a chance of redemption."

"Redemption?"

"Yeah, I'm being given a second chance at life. You know a month ago I thought everything was just going downhill. All I could see was blackness, the world everything around was black. But I've realised that it was all in my head. The world is still a beautiful place full of rich and vibrant colours."

Ron nodded his head in that kind of way people do when they're not really listening. I was losing him.

"That's great, Harry."

He didn't understand.

"I saw the light again, Ron. All I needed was to carry her. I needed to hold her weight and cradle her and love her and let her know how important she is again. I needed to feel her soft skin, her long hair draping over my shoulders - her face so near. I needed to feel that again."

"So you really love her, huh?" said Ron with a boyish grin. "I told you I'm jealous. I wish there would be someone in my life like that."

I chuckled and patted him on the back. "You'll be ok, Ron. There's someone out there for everyone."

The two of us fell silent, both deep in thought. I could tell Ron wanted to say something but was having a hard time. "Not still nervous are you?" I asked.

"No, no, it's not that." he replied. "I spoke to Ginny the other day. She's not coming."

I felt a bit disappointed. I knew I had been harsh with her but I still liked her as a friend and I wanted her to come.

"Did she say why?" I asked.

"No, she wouldn't say. It seems like it's something pretty major though. We talked for ages and she just kept crying and crying, weeping like a baby."

"Best not to hassle her." I said. "Our business in London isn't as good as it used to be. She's been under a lot of stress."

"Ginny said she quit. Do you know anything about that?"

"No." I lied and hated myself for lying but what could I tell him. He surely wouldn't like it if I was having an affair with his sister. Thankfully the priest came in and spared me anymore awkwardness.

He was a large burly man with a balding head, grey on the sides with just a few tuffs still clinging on at the front. He was wearing all black with a white robe, but even if he wasn't wearing those clothes I would have thought he was a priest. He just had that aura about him.

The priest ran me through the days events. I knew the score, I had been here well before. I knew the drill, the pomp and the pageantry. My memories were rich with life's special moments, running through me like a river.

Ron wanted to check on Hermione but I told him to stay. He was my best man, my best friend, always with that friendly ear and that helping hand when I was down so many times.

When the guests started filing in, that's when the butterflies really started to hit, fluttering in my belly and I thought I was going to be sick.

The guests arrived one by one. It was so great to see everyone again. Cho Chang was there looking as lovely as ever wearing a sequinned blue dress and white heels. Neville sat hand in hand with his wife Hannah and even old Hagrid made it, taking up at least half a bench just to himself. He was looking me with a gleam and a tear in his eye, so proud.

Draco Malfoy was sitting at the back by himself with his arms folded. He seemed fed up and bored but I could tell that deep down he was happy for me. No one forced him to come to the wedding. He must have respected me really and I respected him too. He had learnt a lot since leaving the Death Eaters. The rows of benches gradually filled and soon the church was full to capacity, everyone chatting and laughing. I felt proud too although I wished Ginny had come. It was silly of her to cut me out of her life completely.

I looked over at Ron who was sitting in the front row. He didn't say anything but he gave me a wink and a thumbs up. His friendship meant so much to me - more than he would ever know. Ron then noticed Cho looking at him and smiling. He smiled back nervously. Maybe things were going to work out for him after all.

And if only my parents had been here to see this. I bowed my head and thought about them for a moment. My mother and father would have been overjoyed at me renewing my vows with Hermione. I just hoped that I wouldn't let them down. "Congratulations, Harry!" Hannah shouted. "Best of luck with everything!"

Neville tried to shush her but she wasn't listening and the everyone turned around and stared at her. Neville went bright red. I laughed and waved back to her.

Then the pipe organ boomed.

The bridal song played and everyone's attention was instantly drawn to the large door at the back of the church. And out strode the bride followed by her bridesmaid.

Dressed in the most beautiful long white wedding dress and veil, Hermione walked forward, with little Charlotte bringing up the rear holding her dress up making sure she wouldn't trip over it.

My baby darling Charlotte was such a picture in her violet dress and flower headband. I watched them both approach the altar slowly, one step at a time; she came to me. I extended my hand, my palm facing up and she placed her hand delicately in mine as we faced the altar together, Charlotte now between us, her smile so wide, it was literally a mile long.

I removed the veil. Hermione lifted her head and our eyes met and in that one moment our souls collided. No words were shared, but I could tell just from the look in her eyes exactly what she wanted to say. Our feelings passed over like telepathy, our hearts connected, woven together with our love.

"Ladies and gentleman," said the priest, his voice low and loud. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of Harry Potter and Hermione Potter. After years of marriage they have learned that happiness is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created."

His words were so true and I felt a little ashamed that I had never realised them until now. The priest spoke in a calm but captivating tone. I hung off his every word.

"In a good marriage," he continued. "You should never take the other for granted. It's about standing together to face the world."

I peered over at Hermione and caught her gaze. The way she batted her eyelids; she was the loveliest sight I had ever seen. She squeezed my hand. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

The priest then told us to face each other and we did as I encircled both of my hands around hers. The priest then spoke and I copied his lines, hoping I wouldn't choke.

"I, Harry Potter, promise to love and support you with each passing day. From the day that we met, I have loved you, adored you and cherished you. I will continue to love you all the days of my life."

I got out all my lines just fine. I didn't have a ring but I didn't need one either. Our love was enough. Hermione understood.

She coughed a little before beginning her vows. I think she was nervous too. She squeezed my hand tighter and I smiled letting her know that there was nothing to worry about. We were in good company with our friends and family watching on.

Hermione took a deep breath and regained her composure. The priest then recited the vows again, replacing my name with hers. She copied and read them with so much passion, so much love; not just going through the motions, but with real emotion - I could hear her gentle spirit soaring and knit with mine, her voice was so heavenly and divine. "And now," the priest continued. "You may kiss the bride as you pledge your lives together."

I leaned in just as I imagined and placed my lips on Hermione's. Charlotte was the first to clap her hands together and shout and scream. Then everyone was in raptures, the applause ringing out throughout the church.

I kissed Hermione one more time. I just wanted to freeze time and cherish this moment forever.

And then we turned to face our friends and family. Camera bulbs flashed as we walked down the aisle together. Hagrid stood up to shake my hand and almost broke it as he gripped with all his strength.

I grimaced in pain but it couldn't wipe the happiness off my face.

Hermione and I stopped to pose for photos in the centre of the aisle. At one point, I even swept Hermione off her feet, and held her in my arms as Neville and Hannah cheered wildly. Even Draco Malfoy couldn't help but applaud.

"This is how it all started." I whispered into her ear.

"This wasn't how it was started." Hermione said. "This is the way it was meant to be all along."

"Would you mind if I carried you all the way home?"

Hermione giggled. "I'd love that, Harry, but I'm a bit too heavy."

Hermione and I continued to pose for photos as I continued to hold Hermione. Charlotte wanted to be in the photos too and she ran up and hugged my leg. Ron came over and picked her up. Hagrid took a photo of the four of us in the aisle that I still have safely tucked away in my drawer. I sometimes look at from time to time but the still kills me every time.

"Mommy, you've got red on your dress." said Charlotte looking down from Ron's arms.

I looked at Hermione's dress - three small red dots, then four - blood. I looked at Hermione, her nose bleeding, her eyes glazed over.

"Hermione?" I cried.

I put her down as more blood rushed from her nose and spilled over her beautiful white dress. She started quivering and convulsing and the flashbulbs stopped and everyone hushed and rushed to her side.

The next moments were just a blur of shouting and screaming, all fading in and out, my whole world slowed and everything seemed like it was far away and under water.

"Mommy!"

"Hermione!"

"Mommy!"

I looked into her eyes now and felt nothing, no love or life, just a soulless puppet as the whites of her eyes washed over and her pupils dilated. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. All I could hear was the shouting and screaming. Cho, Ron, Neville, Hannah, Charlotte,Hagrid, their faces blurred all melding into one.

"What's wrong?"

"Hermione!"

"We need an ambulance!"

"Will someone call a doctor!"

"Help her!"

"Is she going to be ok?"

I was shaking. And then I touched her cheek. Her skin was cold, so cold. So cold.


	8. Chapter 8

Hermione was dead a few hours later.

She was dead when we reached the hospital and she was dead when I was with her in the ambulance holding her hand, drenched in sweat, tears in my eyes, hoping and praying that everything was going to be all right. Hermione died right in my arms that day. She didn't suffer at all. It would have been just an instant void of blackness for her and then everything gone before her head rolled back onto my shoulder. All her hopes and dreams, all our hopes and dreams were now gone forever.

And not even magic could save her, all the years I had studied and practised and trained, it was all useless in the end, nothing could help her. I tried every spell and every trick I knew desperately looking for an answer. Charlotte grabbing my trouser leg imploring me to stop. I was more in denial than her.

I still am to this day.

We took Hermione to the same hospital, treated by the same doctor. I held Charlotte close in my lap as she buried her face into my wedding tuxedo. And then I went to see her. Her body still, cold as ice, dressed in her white wedding dress. I stroked her hair, her soft auburn hair, feeling each strand run through my fingers. She looked so beautiful lying there like a porcelain doll, expressionless, eyes closed, lips parted. I wanted to kiss her one final time. The fine lines on her face showed how much she had aged since we married, the stress she had been under - but now all of that stress was now gone. She was free from all of that and we had to go on without her.

What had happened to her? For it to be so quick, so sudden. I remembered looking at all the pills in the bathroom cabinet and thinking about what she was going through and about all the suffering and the pain. I asked the doctor and he said it was a rare cancer that was infecting every major organ in her body. She was literally being cooked from the inside.

I wasn't happy with the doctor's opinion but there was nothing I could do, or anyone else to change what had happened. She fought hard but one day her body just gave out on her. It was our wedding day.

"Your wife was a brave lady." said the doctor. "We only gave her thirty days. She lived past that by several weeks. She told us, that you were helping her. She stood me that since she felt loved again that she started showing rapid improvement. She held on for as long as she could. But she's only human, I'm afraid."

His words filled me with love and anger. I was so torn and frustrated that I had been such a terrible husband all those years. But knowing that my love helped her set a deep sadness in the pit of my stomach. I loved her.

I stayed with Charlotte in the hospital.

Charlotte didn't want to leave her side either. We simply stood there for hours holding her until the visiting hours closed and we were asked to leave. A white sheet covered her face, I could only make out the outline of the body that I had carried so close; held so tenderly over the last 30 days. Ron helped me arrange the funeral. He said it was the least he could do. I was glad of his support. Everyone tried to reach out to me in my darkest hour. Even Ginny gave me a call when I got back home from the hospital. I was a bit surprised, but also warmed by her kind words.

The conversation was hazy in my memory, everything was at that time. I met so many people, so many sad and crying faces that I felt like my life was on a orbital slingshot and sadness and grief was the gravity holding us all together.

We buried Hermione a week later in the pouring rain on Hogwarts' grounds. I threw a single rose into the earth where her body lay. We stood with umbrellas aloft and tissues in our other hand as the priest administered the last rites.

Her tombstones was simple. It read: "Here lies Hermione Potter, 1979 - 2015; Loving mother, wife and friend; Taken from us way too soon."

After everyone left, Charlotte and I stayed to say one final goodbye. Charlotte, wearing a bright yellow raincoat, hugged and kissed the tombstones as if it were her. I didn't know what to say. There were no words I could comfort her with, no actions that would make her feel less sad. I was broken. I got down on my knees and called out to Charlotte and I held her in my arms as the rain lashed down, washing away our tears. "It'll be ok, hun," I said. "As long as we've got each other, we'll be ok."

I wasn't convinced and neither was she. That night I slept in the bed I once shared with my wife. Under the bed, gathering dust the way only under the bed things can, was a big heavy book. I blew on it, it was "Hogwarts: A History" by Bathilda Bagshot. An old Hogwarts library card had been used as a place marker. It was her favourite book. Instantly my eyes welled up and I couldn't even look at the book anymore. It was as if Hermione was still here - all her things were exactly how she left them that day, the day of our wedding, but all that was missing was her.

Her pillow still had the indentation of her head; her clothes were still neatly folded away in the drawer and there was a list of house chores that needed to be done on the dresser table. That night was strange and uncomfortable. I dreamt about her. She appeared all around me as we were floating through space. She was calling out to me, but I was too far away, I couldn't reach her. When she was out of sight and I could only hear her voice grow ever fainter, I felt like I was going to die alone in space. I had no air now and I was just drifting endlessly into nothing.

And then the phone rang. A screeching tone that jolted me out of my sleep.

"Harry, how's it going?" said Ron on the other end.

I was pretty annoyed that he had disturbed me in the middle of the night, but when I looked sleepily at my watch I saw that it was already ten thirty.

I walked around the empty house in my boxer shorts holding the phone to my ear. Charlotte must have already gone to school by herself. First day alone together, and I'd already let her down, I thought.

"I know it's difficult right now. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you should you need anyone. And if you want to get a drink at the Leaky Cauldron, just let me know."

"Thanks Ron, that means a lot. And I might take you up on that offer."

I needed a drink, a big drink. Double whiskey on the rocks was what I needed to take my mind off things.

Then I remembered.

"Sorry, Ron, I can't today, I have to be there for Charlotte. I have to pick her up from school and I can't leave her alone. Let's do it another time."

"Sure, no problem, Harry. Anytime."

Charlotte needed me now, but more than that, I needed her, she seemed much stronger than me. I felt like I was a mess. I had let my beard grow out again and my hair was scruffy and unkempt. Charlotte in those short days after the funeral was still a bundle of joy, always trying to pick me up when I was down.

I hung up the phone and went downstairs into the living room.

On the table was a black notebook. I opened it and started reading. I recognised the handwriting immediately as my wife's. Her thin scrawl was unmistakeable. It was her diary.  
I flicked through, there was lots written for each day. She was keeping a detailed log of her thoughts and feelings. I gulped - a lump caught in my throat. I wondered what she had written about me. I could't help my curiosity and read further.

August 4th

The day was filled with scary silence. I don't know what to do. Harry is always brooding.

Harry came home drunk today stinking of booze. He knocked over things, a vase, a chair. Charlotte woke up, crying. I cut my finger trying to pick up the broken pieces of vase. I tried to talk to Harry but he just pushed me aside and went straight to bed. I heard him mutter mudblood under his breath.

I read on it was all mostly the same, all mostly negative about me. August had been filled with fear and loneliness. She knew what was coming.

September 1st

I felt really sick today. I went to the hospital and the doctor told me that my condition had worsened. I don't want to tell Harry about it. Not just yet. I know I don't have long left. I'm being eaten away from the inside. There's nothing anyone can do.

September 2nd

I didn't see Harry at all today. Our love seems dead. I threw up in the bathroom six times. The collection of pills in the bathroom is getting larger.

September 3rd

Harry finally came home today. I kissed him on the cheek but he didn't reply. He smelt of ladies perfume. There were lipstick marks on his cheek. When I confronted him about it he got angry. Really angry and threw things. I got scared again.

I was almost paralysed reading this. The pain she must have felt, caused be me, by my selfishness and greed. It wasn't the way it was meant to be. I had so many regrets, so many things I wanted to tell her. I wondered if she ever realised how much I really cared for her deep down. I read on.  
September 18th He finally handed me his divorce paper today. It was total shit. He doesn't understand. I don't want his money, or his house or his things. I tore it up and decided to write my own. I spent the whole night thinking of a good idea. I want the romance back in our lives for my final days and I want Charlotte to remember what a great husband he was.

I went read all of September. She made detailed notes on each day I carried her, each day feeling a little more loved. Each day my arms strengthened and so did the bond between us. It was an amazing thing. At the back there was loose piece of paper folded up. It was a letter, addressed to me.

Dear Harry

Thank you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being there for Charlotte. This is all that I wanted as my conditions. And as we renew our vows tomorrow, I am so excited about our future whatever it holds. I have already outlived the timeframe the doctors gave me so who knows what will happen. Whatever happens, never forget yourself Harry, never forget how special you are to me, to Charlotte and to everyone.

Yours Forever

Hermione Potter

I screwed up the paper and threw it in the bin. It was too much to bear. Reading this letter, I could hear her voice in each word, it was as if she was reading it directly to me from beyond the grave. There was a strong wind behind me. It was strange because the window wasn't open and it gave me chills running down my spine. For a moment, I thought it might have been Hermione. I spun around but she wasn't there.

Then there was a hand on my shoulder, a large and ghostly hand. I turned around and Dumbledore was there, all white but still with the unmistakeable white beard and wizards' robe. He was in my living room, but why and how.

I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself. It wasn't a dream. Looking up at the towering white wizard, I felt like I needed something stronger than a double whiskey.

"Long time no see," said Dumbledore sitting down beside me.

I was speechless. He put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me near. I felt him, his touch; he was real.

"I heard the terrible passing of Hermione Granger. The young girl was the life and blood of Hogwarts. But I know you Harry, I know your strength. I know you'll pull through."

"Why are you here? What's going on?"

"You called me here, don't you remember? You have been calling out for help and now I am her. For you see, even death cannot stop me. If you ever need any help or you feel lost or like your world is ending, don't hesitate to call me."

"But I didn't call you. How did you know?"

Dumbledore laughed. "I know all and I see all."

"Hermione?" I asked, almost pleading. "Is she with you?"

He moved his ghostly arm away from me and stroked his long beard.

"No, not yet. It may take her soul several days to reach the other side." "Will I be able to see her again?"

"That depends. If her spirit is strong and the connection between you is still strong, then I have hope. It doesn't matter whether it's real or inside your head. What's the difference? First, I think it is important for you to find out the secret of happiness first and then you will meet again."

I didn't know what he meant. I didn't know there was a secret of happiness. I couldn't think any happy thoughts at that moment. I was simply consumed by sadness.

I stood up. I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to hit something; to lash out and I started pulling at my hair and gritting my teeth to restrain myself.

"I loved her more than anything in the world." I said. "There were times I didn't always show it, but I just want her back. I want to show her again."

"You will get your chance one day, I promise."

"I'm lost, Dumbledore. I just feel like death is dragging me down."

"You will see the light soon, my son. Happiness is there to be found even in the darkest of times. Never forget that."

I hadn't forgotten. I had never forgotten those words.

And in that instant, Charlotte burst through the door in her school uniform, threw her bag down on the floor and then threw herself into my arms. I hugged her and looked into her eyes, so bright with intelligence and wonder. She was my light. I looked back but Dumbledore was gone, just vanished as quickly as he came into thin air.

The next day, I got up early and shaved. I helped Charlotte get ready for school, making her lunch and packing it into her luminous green rucksack. I held her hand as we walked together to school. It was a cool but sunny autumn morning. The sun was glazing down through the white puffs of cloud. It wasn't far from our home to school and I enjoyed the walk and the fresh air. I knew it wasn't healthy keeping myself locked in the house all day.

When we got to the giant wrought iron school gates, I waved goodbye. She gave me a kiss on the cheek along with a cheeky grin and I ruffled her long blonde hair.

"Have a great day at school, hun."

"Thanks, Daddy. But I miss Mommy."

"Me too, darling. Me too. But we'll be all right, as long as we have each other, right?"

She hugged me tighter. "I love you, Daddy."

"You know what, hun, I think I will enrol you at Hogwarts when you're old enough."

"You really mean it?" she said, her facing lighting up with wondrous surprise.

"Yeah, then you can learn all kinds of magic tricks just like Daddy and we can go on adventures together."

"Oh Daddy, you're the best!"

She smiled and waved and giggled with her friends and it filled me with such pride and joy but there was still a hole there, deep down in my soul. One that could never be filled again.

I waved back, fighting the tears and watching my little angel walk through the front entrance. I had missed all these things. I hadn't been there. I had always let her go to school on her own, completely forgetting that it was the little things that made up our lives and made them complete.

I missed Hermione terribly. I missed the way she laughed; the way she sneezed; the way she got angry. They were all so unique. They could never be replaced. I missed spending lazy Sunday afternoons with her doing nothing, saying nothing - just being with her.

I closed my eyes for a moment and the soft gentle breeze took me away.

In a place that was no place I looked longingly into the empty void until that voice came to me again. The sound of the sweetest melody I ever heard, the sound of her voice whispering "I love you".

And in that one moment - all my loneliness, all my pain, all my grief was gone and she was there, Hermione, arms outstretched waiting for me and I came to her and we embraced for the longest time I could ever remember. We said nothing but I could feel her heart thumping inside her chest. She was alive. She was still with me. I held her. I could feel her, touch her. Her skin was warm and silky smooth. She was still wearing her wedding dress. This was our marriage, the way it was meant to be for the rest of our lives together forever.

A light shone down upon us. And we danced and we kissed. And I now knew the secret that Dumbledore was talking about, the secret of happiness.

To love and to be loved.

THE END.


End file.
